On Bitches by James LaFond

A Caveman's Treatise: Why Women Are Screwed Up and How Men May Deal with Them

Men, Your Flight Has Landed. Welcome to Planet Bitchstorm! In order to retain your testicles and preserve your masculine psychology, you will be relegated to living in a metaphoric cave—and if the bitch you married permits, perhaps an actual man cave in the basement of HER house. Before offloading, be certain to take a copy of On Bitches with you. It is located next to the oxygen mask in the emergency panel above your seat. Do not take the stairs. Those are for your stewardess. After her departure, hit the testosterone switch above you—the blue one if you watched her leave, the pink one if you were combing your hair. When you splash down, swim—without breathing or swallowing—toward the towering obelisk that penetrates the bitch sky to your left. If you hit the pink button, or take in any of the liquid, just keep swallowing and drown. It’s the estrogen pond, men, your first of many tests!

Available in paperback.

Your Trojan Whorse by James LaFond

The Manual of Female Ownership

Do you desire a sheath for your sword? Has the place where you sheathe your sword of love become a rancorous scabbard of animosity? Do you have too much vagina in your life? Is the vagina in your life negatively affecting your masculine serenity? Do you require A Manual of Female Ownership? If so, no longer must you cling blindly to the assumption that the soil where you sow your manly seed is a mine field of ethics, needs, virtues and negotiations. In Your Trojan Whorse you will learn to put your bitches in pusspective. On God’s gray earth, there are but four types of women: the Whore [including most married women], the Manizer, the Slave Girl, and the Priestess. So, Bro, buy this book and it’s only a matter of time before the bitch queens that have ruined your life will have their hairstyle altered to accommodate your beer coaster!

Available in paperback and in PDF.